In this series One Week to Better Sleep, I’m going to share with you 7 ways in 7 days that you can improve your sleep.
This is Day 4: When You’ve Lost Faith in Your Body
What do “good sleepers” inherently do that “people with insomnia” do not do? They trust that they will fall asleep. “Good sleepers” rarely get into bed wondering if they’re going to sleep, how long it’s going to be until they fall asleep, or worry they’ll be awake in the middle of the night. If they wake up at 2 in the morning to use the bathroom they don’t even ponder that they won’t return to sleep. As they lie in bed they don’t “try” to fall asleep. They don’t use techniques and strategies to sleep. They just, lie there and then sleep happens.
For individuals with insomnia, this may sound ridiculous.
People with insomnia often struggle to trust their body. Months or even years of sleep difficulty has lead them to feel betrayed by their body, or the conclusion that their body’s ability to sleep is broken. When you operate from the assumption that you are broken, this changes how you approach sleep and your behaviors surrounding your sleep. When someone with insomnia gets into bed, there is no trust, no assumption, that they will fall or stay asleep.
I’ll never return to sleep
Let’s take the case of Jan.
Jan has experienced difficulty falling asleep at night as well as staying asleep for years. She actually dreads bedtime and expects that she will be awake in the middle of the night, no matter what she does. She has given up on her body’s ability to return to sleep quickly during middle of the night wake ups. She’s usually up at least twice during the night, for 1-2 hours each time.
In order to to “get enough sleep to function” Jan believe she must start trying to fall asleep at 8:30pm. She hopes that if she lays down early enough, she’ll fall asleep by 9:30, get a few hours of sleep before her 11:30pm wake up. She’ll be up for an hour or two, fall back asleep for another hour or two, then be up again. She’ll try to sleep as late as she can to maximize her hours of sleep.
Jan is piecemealing her sleep at this point.
If I were to suggest to Jan, that she should actually try to stay up later at night, to the point where she was actually extremely sleep (could fall asleep at any second) she might object.
“But then I’ll be up at midnight, like always. I won’t sleep. I’ll only get a few hours of sleep. I can’t function on just a couple hours of sleep. If I don’t go to bed early, I’m not going to get enough sleep. My body just won’t let me sleep. It’s been like this for years. I’m broken.”
Jan doesn’t trust her body and I don’t blame her. For quite some time she’s been trying to find ways to get more sleep (which makes sense) but unfortunately her strategies have been one of the factors that contribute to her continued sleep disruption.
Turning to Sleeping Pills
Now let’s take the case of Susan.
Susan didn’t experience much trouble falling asleep at night, but for years she would wake up in the middle of the night and be unable to return to asleep. She would lie there, begging her body to fall back asleep.
Over time she became extremely distressed about these middle of the night wake ups. So much so, that now when she wakes up she becomes extremely anxious and begins to get emotionally upset.
Now I don’t know about you, but if I’m crying, anxious, and upset that’s not a state in which I am going to easily fall back asleep. So Susan began taking a sleep medication when she woke up in the middle of the night. The minute she took that pill, her anxiety dropped and she calmed down (even before the medication began to take effect in her body). Why? Because she “knew” that she would be able to return to sleep. She didn’t have to worry that she would be awake for the next few hours. She returned to sleep quickly.
Did the medication help her return to sleep quickly? Or could it be that she was calm, not worried about falling asleep, and not even “trying” to fall asleep. She just trusted that it would happen.
Now in all likelihood, yes the medication did affect her arousal system and did contribute to her returning to sleep. However, a huge factor that we shouldn’t ignore is the impact that just taking a pill had on her emotions and stress. Taking a pill meant no more struggling, no more worrying, and no more lying awake trying to sleep.
Susan learned that when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she can roll over, take the pill, and return to sleep.
She didn’t want to rely on sleeping medication but she didn’t feel like she had a choice. She had lost faith in her body and had put all her faith in a pill.
And I get it, believe me I do. Susan is just trying to cope with a difficult situation and she’s doing the best that she can. Her feelings are completely valid and it makes sense given her experience that she feels this way.
If Susan were to wake up in the middle of the night, and try not to take her medication, she is in all likelihood going to be a ball of anxiety and worry because in the back of her mind she “knows” that she won’t be able to fall asleep. And in all likelihood, she’s not going to fall asleep, only proving her mind right. It’s a vicious cycle.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia
This is where working with a therapist trained cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia can be quite effective. Through both behavioral changes and cognitive strategies, CBT-I therapists help clients learn to rework their sleep habits, trust their bodies and lower their anxiety.
If you or someone you know may need help sleeping, Houston Center for Valued Living wants to step up to the plate and go to bat for your well-being. If you have any questions about if our services are right for you, please message us, e-mail us info@hcfvl.com or give us a call 713.259.9049.
Previous Posts in this Series:
Day 1: Stop Sabotaging Your Sleep Drive
Day 2: Is Your Body Confused About When to Sleep?
Day 3: Do I Really Have to Get Up at the Same Time Each Day?
Kathryn Tipton has passion for sleep and wants to help you return to sleeping through the night. She uses Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Insomnia (CBT-I), a non-pharmacological treatment to help clients gain control over their insomnia and improve the quality of their sleep. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor with a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology. Her private practice is located in central Houston, in the Montrose district. Additionally, she conducts sessions online/via phone with clients from the comfort of their own home or office.