It’s February and Valentine’s Day is front and center. Florists are gearing up for their biggest day of the year and hearts, chocolate, and balloons are literally everywhere. Holidays can be the highlight of the year for many… and can be among the hardest times for those grieving the loss of a loved one. If this sounds familiar, read on for ways to prioritize your mental health while you are grieving.
Grief does not follow rules
Grief is commonly described as happening in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Grieving will look different from person to person – which stages you go through and at what pace. The process is more circular than linear and it takes time. Give yourself grace and the permission to move through your grief on your own terms. You alone are the expert on what you need as you grieve.
Lean on people who will honor and validate your loss
You likely know middle-aged adults whose parents have died and older adults who have experienced the death of a partner. Difficult as these deaths are, society views them as part of the natural order of life and routinely acknowledges and honors them. What happens when death’s circumstances are less familiar and understood? The young adult who commits suicide leaves their family and friends shocked, devastated, and with more questions than answers. The couple who has tried unsuccessfully for years to conceive a child and mourns the loss of the family they cannot have. The middle-aged parent who dies from complications of chronic alcohol abuse, leaving behind a partner and children. Finding people who will support you and validate your loss, no matter what it looks like and how messy it is, is crucial as you grieve.
Drop “should” from your vocabulary
If there ever is a time to prioritize what you need, versus what makes others happy, it is when you are grieving. The family member’s wedding you should attend because that is the expectation – even though you know it will drain you? The friend’s baby shower you should go to despite your recent perinatal loss? The extra work hours you should be logging over the weekend to compensate for time off for bereavement services? Just. Say. No. You will ruffle feathers… and you will find out who in your circles will allow you the time and space to grieve. When you say no to things you should do, it opens the door to saying yes to coping mechanisms like sleep, exercise, and spending quality time with supportive friends and family.
Seek professional help
Grieving can be incredibly isolating; the world is moving on and sometimes it’s all you can do to make it through the next hour. Connecting with a therapist for individual therapy, and/or finding a bereavement center or organization offering in-person or online support groups, can make all the difference. Instead of trying to “tough out” your grief alone, you will find empathy, compassion, and unconditional support when you reach out for help.
Therapists at The Houston Center for Valued Living approach grief counseling with compassion and a sincere desire to help you heal. Person-centered, supportive therapeutic approaches and modalities including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) and accelerated resolution therapy (ART) for potential grief-induced post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be incorporated into treatment. We follow your lead and work as a team to process your grief.
Resources
Bo’s Place https://www.bosplace.org/en/, a non-profit, free-of-charge bereavement center based in Houston, Texas, offers in-person grief support groups for children, families, adults, young adults, pregnancy loss, school-based groups for children and adolescents, online support groups for families, and professional workshops and training. An extensive resource library, including online bereavement resources with links to multiple national organizations such as Bereaved Parents USA, Camp Widow, The Alliance of Hope for Suicide Loss Survivors, etc. can be found at https://www.bosplace.org/en/resource-library/. Clinicians at Bo’s Place can be reached during weekday business hours via their information and referral line, 713-942-8339, for guidance about personal grief support and supporting others grieving.
Postpartum Support International (PSI) https://www.postpartum.net/ offers support for surviving families and friends who have lost a loved one due to perinatal depression, anxiety, or psychosis https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/family/coping-with-suicide-loss/, several different support groups for those who have experienced pregnancy and infant loss https://www.postpartum.net/get-help/loss-grief-in-pregnancy-postpartum/, and a dedicated helpline at 1-800-944-4773.
Allison Hamilton, MS, NCC, LPC-Associate supervised by Christen Sistrunk, LPC-S, is a therapist with The Houston Center for Valued Living. Allison is passionate about supporting clients grieving the loss of loved ones, experiencing reproductive mental health challenges, and navigating parenting stress.
At the Houston Center for Valued Living, we offer therapy in Houston for a variety of life’s challenges. Our team of compassionate therapists offer a variety of therapeutic specialties including:
- OCD
- Intensive Treatment for OCD
- Anxiety
- Insomnia
- Depression
- Reproductive Mental Health
- Children
- Parenting
- Adolescents & Teens
- Trauma/PTSD
- Body focused repetitive behaviors