My guess is you are feeling like there is no more space in your brain to hold the outrages demands placed on you this year. Deciding whether or not to keep your child home, send them in person, maybe pay for private school, unenroll them altogether and go full homeschool?? I mean that’s enough to drive anyone insane! Unfortunately, it’s only the tip of the iceberg in 2020. So in an effort to help ease that burden maybe half a percent, here is a list of things you don’t need to do.
You Don’t Need to Fix It
Think of how many times you’ve just lost it in some way over the last – what is it now? – 6 months. Sometimes it was small like snapping at the kids, sometimes a full blown mom Hulk, and other times crying in your closet after bedtime. Think of how much you really needed some of those meltdowns…and remember your children need them to. Now I’m not saying let them break things, or hurl insults at you, but let them let it out. Don’t burden yourself with trying to fix it because in reality it can’t be fixed right now. Just be there with your child and tell them you agree-, this sucks! Or let them sulk in their room privately for a while. Just let them have that very valid emotion and express it.
You Don’t Need to Limit Screen Time
I know this one sounds crazy, and goes against all pre-2020 recommendations for children, but who expected children to need to be on a laptop for several hours a day for school? I’ve heard parents express concern that since they’re child is on a device so long for their education, maybe they should limit video games, phone time, TV watching, etc. Then the pressure of “what do I do to help provide entertainment all day, every day while we are home most of the time” comes. The more pressure you are under, the more your kids feel it and respond, which only adds to the pressure and it’s this constant one up battle until it comes to a head. So let them have more screen time, its ok. This might be exactly the escape they needed to cope, or maybe they are their video games are how they stay connected with friends. Just as we’ve binged TV during this (Tiger King anyone?) or had virtual happy hours with friends, you don’t need to limit your child’s screen time right now.
You Don’t Have to Keep Them Home All Day Even If You Are Distance Learning
It is perfectly ok for you to enroll your healthy kids in an extracurricular activity during the pandemic if you feel like there are reasonable policies in place keeping them and others safe. My bias is showing, but I’m big on allowing kids an avenue to do something that is just theirs. Only you can decide if this is something you are comfortable with, but don’t let fear of what others might think dictate what you think is in your family’s best interest. This can allow your children to socialize with other kids their age, get some exercise, and/or express their creativity. This can be a great outlet for them, and allow them just a small window of feeling like things are normal for a bit. It can be great for their mental health, and in turn great for your mental health! Kids who have an outlet are often more cooperative which only makes your day a little easier as well.
You Don’t Need to be Perfect
Let’s say it again – you don’t need to be perfect! Neither do your kids, spouse, children’s teachers, and so on. At this start of this we were all excited about home projects we’ve been putting off, home cooked meals, daily exercise, creating a routine…and it was a little fun and exciting. But here we are 6 months later and we just can’t keep up with those expectations (real or imaginary) for this length of time. So let’s all cut ourselves and other’s some slack – lower the bar a little. So you had pizza for dinner again, or you realize you have washed your hair in far too long, or the dang link for the virtual class didn’t work and now they are going to miss this class. Take a moment and think about all the other parents and children in your neighborhood…city…state…around the country having the same experience. You are not alone, and you are a wonderful parent.
Remember – This Will End
So when you are feeling overwhelmed with the never end list of absolutely impossible things to do, remember you are parenting during a pandemic. Your children are in school, whatever that may look like, during a pandemic. This is a wild and chaotic time and it only makes sense to adjust our standards given all of this. At some point it will end, and things will resume to a least almost normal. And in the distant future I think we will look back on this time like we view our high school years – with rose colored glasses. Not something we ever want to relive, but still with a few fond memories. So it’s ok to not do all the things sometimes.
Nina Moak, LPC has a passion for helping children and adolescents with a variety of concerns including behavioral issues, school performance, anxieties, social issues, depression, and common issues that accompany adolescence.
As a Houston based counseling clinic, our caring therapists also offer therapy for
- anxiety disorders and anxiety treatment
- depression treatment
- obsessive compulsive disorder
- maternal mental health
- counseling for children
- therapy for teens
- insomnia
We also offer tips for improving your overall mental health on our blog.
Send an email to: info@hcfvl.com or call 713-331-5538 to learn more about how Houston Center for Valued Living can help you take the next step toward creating your best life.