Before we jump in, let’s acknowledge that your schedule is busy….like really busy! Adding another task to your list might sound unthinkable, and I get that. Go with me though, what if adding in one 15 minute activity each day (or most days) could actually save you time and energy on all the other things on your list? Might it be worth it then? I think so, research supports this, and parents who have given this a try tend to think so as well. So even if you are on the fence, please read along and just maybe this could help.
A typical day for a child
It makes sense that kids have an abundance of rules. After all, we hope they become responsible, productive members of society. To instill those traits requires rules, supervision, and guidance constantly. I mean think of how exhausting that is for you. Now imagine how exhausting it is for your kid. Constantly being told “Put that down…Say thank you…It’s time to eat…Have you done your homework?…You’re wearing this today.” And they don’t just hear it from you, they also get it from teachers, grandparents, coaches, and older siblings. It’s not like we can do without the rules and directions, but kids can become overwhelmed by it and often react poorly.
Their Response
They may become disobedient, rebellious, argumentative, aggressive, or just flat out ignore you (the audacity!), which only makes the day harder for both of you. What parent hasn’t experienced their child having a meltdown or blow-up right as your trying to leave the house on a busy day? Typically, this response leads you, the parent escalating, then your child escalating more, and it’s back and forth until you both leave the house feeling defeated, frustrated, you name it. No anyone’s, your’s nor your child’s, favorite way to start the day.
How Scheduled Play Time Can Help
Young children don’t have the ability to recognize and effectively communicate that they are overwhelmed and need a break. Instead they tell you by having that meltdown at the most inconvenient time. To prevent their stress levels from getting to that point, adding in 15 minutes of uninterrupted playtime with you can help them relieve the stress and pressures that build throughout the day. You are vitally important in this play time, because you and your child can interact in a different way than all the other times of the day.
When you play with your child, your child feels loved, validated, and connected with you. It shows that your love and positive attention is not conditional on their behavior. Which of course you love your child, even on the days you want to ship them off to their grandparents, but your child doesn’t fully understand that unless you have this build in “special time” on a regular basis.
On top of having your child feel loved and getting a little bit of time without all the structure, parents report feeling less stressed and more connected to their children. It both increases parents’ patience and understanding in those difficult moments, and decreases the frequency and intensity of those meltdowns. This is because your child isn’t having to pull out the extremes to get your attention, and has that need met on a regular basis (before they get to their boiling point). Other benefits include increased attention span, vocabulary, and frustration tolerance in your child.
Finally, playing with your child reminds you both that you are on the same team, not two individuals that have to battle it out. Your child will want to please you more by listening and minding you more often because they are your teammate. Of course, they are still children with developing brains and emotional intelligence; so this isn’t a cure-all. It is a skill that could help change the trajectory of you day and relieve some stress. It is also a core behavior parent training (BPT) skill, a type of therapy we offer for children with behavioral concerns. For more on BPT please contact Nina Moak, LPC-I.
Nina Moak, LPC-Intern has a passion for helping children and adolescents with a variety of concerns including behavioral issues, school performance, anxieties, social issues, depression, and common issues that accompany adolescence. Nina is a licensed professional counselor intern under the supervision of Carly Malcolm-Hoang LPC-S.
As a Houston based counseling clinic, our caring therapists also offer therapy for
- anxiety disorders and anxiety treatment
- depression treatment
- obsessive compulsive disorder
- maternal mental health
- counseling for children
- therapy for teens
- insomnia
We also offer tips for improving your overall mental health on our blog.
Send an email to: info@hcfvl.com or call 713-331-5538 to learn more about how Houston Center for Valued Living can help you take the next step toward creating your best life.
If you’re ready to get started today, choose one of our awesome therapists and schedule your appointment now by phone, e-mail, or our online scheduling system.