Today we have a guest post on the blog from Katie Bailey, MA LPC, a marriage and relationship therapist in Pennsylvania (we are sad to say she doesn’t live in Houston). She has offered some wonderful tips for anyone who has a spouse or partner struggling with anxiety. Read on!
6 Approaches to Support Your Anxious Spouse
Marriage isn’t always easy. When your spouse struggles with anxiety, you probably feel like there are more hard days than easy ones. You love your partner, but cannot understand what it’s like living with constant fear and worry. How can you support your partner and still grow as a couple? Keep reading for six tips to help you care for your anxious spouse.
1. Don’t try to fix it. Living with constant worry and fear is exhausting. If your partner could just turn it off for themselves, they would. You can’t fix your spouse’s anxiety, and chances are they feel guilty enough already that anxiety is impacting your life as a couple. Reassure your spouse you aren’t going anywhere – you want them to feel better because you love them, not so you don’t have to deal with their stress. Make sure your partner knows you are on their team.
2. Don’t try to talk them out of feeling worried. People that struggle with anxiety often have irrational fears. Your partner knows this already. You don’t have to point out that what the are fearing is unlikely to happen, and if you do, they will likely feel stupid and even like a burden to you. These feelings will just fuel their cycle of anxiety. Instead, try to reassure them. If your wife is worried that your son’s fever is a terminal illness, trying telling her you know how much she loves him and that it must be hard to see your son sick. Affirm your partner’s feelings, show you understand.
3. Ask AND listen. You can further demonstrate your desire to understand your partner by asking questions. Ask them to tell you how they are feeling, what they are worried about, what the panic attack feels like. And here’s the key: really listen to what they say. Don’t listen to respond and convince them otherwise, really just hear them. This may mean, putting down your phone, turning off the TV or laying down the iPad and really looking at them while they are talking. Often times just being able to talk about the fears and worries instead of stuffing them down can take away their power and make your partner feel better. Be the safe place for your spouse to share how they really feel without judgement.
4. Be honest and communicate clearly. Don’t avoid telling your spouse certain things thinking you will spare them from worry. It won’t work. If you’re going to be late, shoot them a text. Did you get a speeding ticket that’s going to cost a chunk of change? Don’t hide it, let them know. Face the hard things in life together, and your partner will feel more secure and the trust in your relationship will grow.
5. Participate in coping skills. Many lifestyle changes can help curb anxiety symptoms. Regular exercise, skipping caffeine and alcohol, and prioritizing sleep are all great ways to reduce stress. Let your spouse choose what changes they want to make, and support them by joining in. Suggest you guys go on a run together, swap herbal tea for the coffee, and say no to one more episode on Netflix so you go to bed at a normal hour. Have a team mentality when it comes to lifestyle choices to keep anxiety at bay.
6. Continue to live your life. If your spouse is having a particularly anxious day and it just so happens to be your nephew’s birthday party – you should still go. Don’t skip things just because your partner is not up to it. You can say your spouse doesn’t feel well – which is totally true – and enjoy the event on your own. Your spouse will not have to deal with guilt of making you miss out, while at the same time making the effort to care for themselves. You also will not be building up resentment towards your spouse for causing you both to miss fun activities. Check in with your partner while you’re gone, and let them know when you’ll be safely home.
While anxiety can create certain challenges in your marriage, it doesn’t have to tank your relationship. Try to adopt a team mindset – you and your spouse versus the anxiety using the above tips. Your spouse will feel loved and supported, their anxiety will go down, and you will enjoy the benefits of a stronger marriage.
Katie Bailey, MA, LPC is a Pennsylvania therapist and the owner of Lime Tree Counseling, LLC in Montgomery County, PA. She provides specialized counseling services for PTSD & Trauma Therapy, Anxiety Treatment, and Marriage Counseling. Lime Tree Counseling also offers online counseling as a part of it’s mental health services throughout the state.
If you are living with an anxious spouse, or if you would like to learn how to better cope with your own stress and anxiety, our caring therapists at Houston Center for Valued Living are here to help. Reach out to us today for more information on how counseling for anxiety can make a difference in your life.
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