As a therapist I often find myself suggesting that clients take time to invest in themselves by engaging in self-care. Not surprisingly, they often agree that they need to do something and often lift their brow at the term “self-care.” For as often as I hear this term, I find it all too often misunderstood and misused by the world outside of the therapy office. When working with a client, I often find that when pressed they are unable to define what self-care really is. When asked to define what they are doing for self-care or what they want to do for self-care they often have zero ideas- none at all. Or they will recycle ideas that they’ve come across in the media, which often are not really what self-care is about. I’ve silently wondered many times, why it is that we struggle defining, understanding and adding self-care into our own lives. Yet, whispering in the back of my mind, I completely know what it is because I have had the same beliefs about self-care that are commonly held by my clients.
Here it is, we all stink at taking care of ourselves. We put ourselves last on the list. We attempt to fill others up and take care of them and leave ourselves on empty. Why? Well, because we think we are not worthy, we think taking care of ourselves is selfish, we think terms like self-care are “stupid”, self-care is for people who are “weak”, or if people knew that we needed self-care they might think we are “weak”.
Self-Care is not just about bubble baths and spa music.
So let’s talk turkey, what is self-care and how can you get started pursuing a better relationship with you? Self-care is not about getting a mani/pedi, taking a bubble bath or watching your favorite TV show (unless those are really, really your thing). Self-care is about taking care of you, the real you! It isn’t something that you do to just “get you over a stressful hump” nope, you deserve more than that. Self-care is about investing in yourself and taking some serious time to really, really,….no really, take care of you. Sounds complicated, I know, but it doesn’t have to be. Let’s look at some of the following simple ways to engage in self-care, and these won’t even cost you a dime!
1. Set limits on what you do with your time
I am an introvert and honestly there are times when I need to be alone. I used to hate this about myself and what I’ve learned through the years is that in order to be the person I want to be during extroverted time (social time) I need some time away from people.
2. Set limits with your commitments
Just because someone has asked you to do something does not mean that you need to say “yes.” Often we need to say “no,” especially if someone is pushing you for an answer, “no” should be your new go-to response. When we are spread extra thin it makes it extra difficult to show up in life as the person you want to be.
3. Sleep
If we are over-committed and spread thin, we feel like there is not enough time to take care of our personal well-being and lives. If you’re doing things all day for others, there is not much time left for you at the very end of the day. You have a choice. Take care of me or sleep? What a difficult choice. That’s like borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. Sleep is absolutely vital for recuperation. When we’re not allowing ourselves to sleep, we’re losing our ability to be at our best for managing our feelings, concentrating, and decision making. There really are only 24 hours in a day. You really cannot do it all. See points 1 and 2 above. Many people sleep just fine, but they don’t budget the hours they need. If you aren’t sleeping well or in some way struggle in this area, reach out to someone for help.
4. Find a hobby or something that adds value to your life
Think about the last time you had a hobby. When you were a kid, were there things that you loved doing? What were those things? What would you really like to do with your free time on a regular basis? Maybe you’d like to visit a museum, purchase season tickets to a sports event, attend plays or musicals, go to concerts, or join a knitting club. Whatever it is, lucky for you we live in the thriving metropolis of Houston, there are tons and tons of things to do. Prioritize it. Take a leap and try something.
5. Speak kindly to yourself
Take a deep breath and honestly think about the way that you talk to yourself, like really talk to yourself, especially when you feel like you’ve messed up. Do you tell yourself that you’ve made a huge mistake and should have known better or shouldn’t have done that OR do you tell yourself that you are a human being and that human beings make mistakes sometimes. Do you treat your family and friends better when they make a mistake than you treat yourself? Does the internal butt-kicking make you feel more motivated? Or does it make you want to hide under a rock? It’s time to start talking to yourself the way that you would talk to someone you care about!
Self-Care is Selfish
Do these suggestions sound selfish? I get it. Our minds are always giving us this unhelpful excuse/reason why we can’t take care of ourselves. But if you buy into this excuse, how quickly do you find yourself back in a place where you are burnt out and frustrated with life? There’s a reason they say “put your oxygen mask on first before helping those around you.” Because when you’re oxygen deprived and passed out, you can’t be of service to those around you. So what do you have to lose? What’s the worst that could happen if you started to prioritize yourself? Pick one of the items on the list and start putting it into regular practice. Don’t wait for the new year or Monday, you can start today!
Christen Sistrunk, M.A., LPC specializes in working with adolescents, adults, and seniors with a range of anxiety and depression related complaints in Houston, Texas. She is a founder of the Houston Center for Valued Living and is Co-President of OCD Texas, a non-profit support and advocacy group for people with OCD and related disorders. She is available to see clients in office and through web/teletherapy on Mondays, Wednesdys, and Fridays.
As a Houston based counseling clinic, our caring therapists also offer therapy for
- anxiety disorders and anxiety treatment
- obsessive compulsive disorder
- depression treatment
- maternal mental health
- counseling for children
- therapy for teens
- insomnia
Send an email to: info@hcfvl.com to learn more about how Houston Center for Valued Living can help you take the next step toward creating your best life.
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